Every year, our church does a thanksgiving service the night before Thanksgiving. The entire service is one praise after another as people raise their hands to acknowledge the Lord's work in their life. The rule... no complaints- just to give a praise (ex: 'I'm thankful for my job even though my boss is a jerk!' This is breaking the rule!).
My heart was instantly overwhelmed with our journey with Eva this year. She has been an adventure! She couldn't walk. She wouldn't talk. She wouldn't attach or snuggle. I couldn't even comfort her. She was isolated.
And then she began to warm.... warm to our touch, our words of comfort, our cheers at her attempts to face each challenge.
And there were many challenges.
An answer to prayer... no, not ONLY an answer to prayer but a miracle that I witnessed witness each day! How could I not share this praise....
Pride.
See, Eva's story is no more beautiful than anyone else's but it has MY heart...
and I knew that I would cry. Bawl. So I tried to keep my mouth shut and praise the Lord in my heart. But I couldn't keep quiet.
Reluctantly I raised my hand to offer my praise. I barely got the words out...
'We were concerned about Eva for quite a while... but she has made so much progress.'
And that's all I could say. I wanted to say the words 'Thank You' or 'I'm so thankful' but I became a waterworks! But I was obedient, swallowed my pride, and
I
Am
Soo
THANKFUL
for the Lord's work in Eva's life and His work in our lives on this journey. This is what it feels like to be led... And it feels good!
Nose to Nose. That is how Eva and I rocked this afternoon.
If you could imagine an 18 month old who rarely allows you to hold her. She gets hurt... she goes away by herself. She gets tired... she goes away by herself. She snuggles with her blanket but if you, her mother, attempts to pull her close, she cries and pushes you away. You can't be close to your own child!
But not today. Every single day she does something new. Today was completely unexpected! Only this week has she started to allow me to rock her for more than a few seconds. Today she allowed me to rock her for more than 10 minutes. I stuck my nose in her neck to find her ticklish spot. Then our noses touched. She held completely still as we gazed at each other... nose to nose. She loved it! I gently, barely, shook my head back and forth to rub our noses. She did the same... very slowly and gently. I tried butterfly kisses with my eyelashes. ANOTHER SUCCESS! 'Again. Again,' she squealed.
So many will never know that this touch is an answer to prayer. I cried over this. Begged for this. Now, I get to cry tears of joy. And I did. And her soft nose, as she gently shook her head back and forth over my nose, accidentally wiped that tear away.
I can hardly put Eva down! What a change! She comes to me to hold her just because. She wants me to hold her so she can see what I'm cooking when I'm making super. She wants Rene to hold her each morning when he gets her up. This morning, I helped her out of bed and she took me by the hand and pulled me into my bedroom and rested with me in my bed. I'm so so thankful for the progress she has made! She doesn't let anything stop her!
Eva is changing every day. I know every child does but you can SEE these changes in her! She snuggled with me today for almost a half an hour! For no reason. Just to be close! I loved it! I want to make up for the hours of snuggling we've missed out on since she was about 9 months old! I want to hold he close. Feel her warm chubby tummy breathing against mine. Rub her pug nose with mine. Brush butterfly kisses against her rosey cheeks. And I did.
One thing I love about babies is that they snuggle. They are soft and smell so good... generally. :) And when that soft, powder fresh ball of giggles puts her arms out for you to hold them... and then cuddles up and burrows into the warmest spots in your neck... it is a tender and touching time for moms.
Eva doesn't snuggle. Or I should say, she hasn't until recently! She is 20 months old and has only allowed me to really snuggle with her the last few weeks. And when I say snuggle, I mean: brief, less than five minute periods of 'I'll let you hold me and then I'm outta here' kind of snuggle. But it is huge for a Mama who cried because she couldn't bond and connect with her baby.
Today, Eva decided to kiss a picture of Elmo. The picture was laying on the tile floor. As she bent down, she lost her balance and smacked her face hard on the floor. Typically, this would lead to her crying hard, searching for her blanket, and rocking as she sat on the floor. I would likely ask her time and and again if she wants me to hold her and kiss her and she would shake her head 'no' and cry harder and run away if I try to reach for her anyways.
But not today. She did ask for her blanket but she also came running to me and even put her tiny sore red nose on my shoulder. She didn't shove me away. It was a moment. A special moment.
