Can someone explain FAITH to me?!

Faith:
A) Trust in that which is impossible to prove.
B) Confidence, hope, belief.
C) Acceptance of divine authority.
D) Other

My question, truly, is: What does FAITH look like?  But does that not beg a definition of faith itself?

Would vivid descriptions of color patterns help me accurately comprehend the grace and majestic grander of a giraffe if my limited experience led me to assume giraffe referenced an article of clothing?

Similarly, a miscommunication of the most basic elements of faith would consequently defigure any visual of it that I aim to portray.

Someone please clearly verbalized the raw elements of faith to me!

Crawl before you walk

Just walk.
 Faith is a journey.  Is walking too arduous of a request?  Just walk.  It is quite simple!

What is simple is often misrepresented as easy.  My wish is to not imply that distortion but, instead, evidence a daily life lesson (my life lesson) in being led.

Here is my one-step-at-a-time trek; documented as a memorial, encouragement, challenge.  Here is my walk/stumble/hobble/journey/adventure.  Here is recorded the miracles in slow motion that I would forget or glorify myself in or simply neglect, if I had continued to refuse to release them to these writings.

Prepare to be amazed.  Amazed in the simple love, steady guidance, and common occurrences that paint a glorious visual of the Lord's love over us.

Falling

A difficult night was followed by a busy morning.  We ate, were dressed with hair done and ready to leave for my 38wk OB appointment before 9am this morning.  Eva rocked at breakfast but I was determined to not allow it to bother me.  The 45 minute ride to the doctor was uneventful and peaceful.  We were one of two cars in the parking lot... this should be quick and easy!  It was.  Except that everyday activities with Eva are not always the same as with other children.  Eva immediately climbed onto a stool in the exam room.  She sat behind the head of the examination bed that I sat on, waiting to get my blood pressure checked.  Then there was a thud and an intense cry.  I jumped up knowing... knowing Eva had fallen... rocked herself off the side of the stool and fell on the hard, cold floor.  The nurse was kind and I completely ignored what she had been trying to do to me (BP check) and held Eva.  Though she could have been cruel or impatient, the nurse spoke kind, soft words and handed Eva tissues.  It took Eva a few minutes to calm down, but it was I who was nearly in tears myself.  This SHOULDN'T happen.  She should be able to sit on a stool without rocking off!

Every time she rocks, it feels like she leaves me

Eva's rocking has dramatically increased the last two weeks.  I have  found no cause for this.  I beg her to stop.  Then I demand her to stop... without success.

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night unable to sleep.  Tired but calm I laid, willing myself to restful dreams.  Without warning, I was overcome with an image of Eva rocking.  The distant look she often has was in her eyes.  Her one leg was pointed out awkwardly as usual when she rocks, and her hands were across her chest.  I couldn't get her to stop and I couldn't get the picture to go away.  I kept seeing her but couldn't get her to relax.  I felt that she was stuck at a distance.

The rocking does that:  It reminds me of the distance that has been between us before when she wouldn't allow me to hold her.  It reminds me of the distance she has overcome in terms of therapy.  It reminds me that I am still not in control and she can leave me at that distance at any moment, and no matter how much I beg, I can't make her come to me.

I cried.  It was 4am.  I cried for a long time finally falling asleep in tears.  I woke up and the tears still come.

'Disability'

I'm struggling with labels.


I've been fighting for support for Eva.  Part of that fight tends to include getting and eliminating labels.  First it was autism.  That was eliminated.  I was told that her symptoms were the 'opposite of autism' in many ways.  As if autism isn't confusing, what is the opposite of it?!  Most recently, the label of 'sensory processing disorder' has been briefly mentioned.  I've been okay with it.  Labels can be devastating for many children but at this point, I haven't felt that Eva has understand the negative of labels and has only benefited from their good.... she has received ongoing PT and OT therapy because of the evaluation scores that bring the conclusion that these labels fit.


But yesterday, Rene said 'disability'.  I felt like the air was knocked out of me.  'We don't know what kind of DISABILITY she (Eva) may have,' was what he was saying.  As he spoke of supporting families with children with disabilities in our church, that word rang through my head.  DIS-ABILITY.  It tasted ugly as I repeated it. 

Easy or difficult child?

I'm a big believer in early potty training.  At age 1 I get the little potty out and let my kids start playing on and around it.  Soon I begin sitting them on it every time I change their diaper.  It takes a long time to see results but at Mia's 2nd birthday party, she was completely potty trained.

Eva never liked the potty.  She hated it.  She hated diaper changes anyway so adding the dimension of sitting on a toilet which, with her rocking, made her feel like she was sitting on the side of the cliff... this was a battle.  At 2 years of age, she would sit willingly (most of the time) but showed zero success.  Now, if you sit a kid on the toilet enough, they accidentally 'go' once in a while which leads to celebrations and more success.  Not Eva.  I'm not sure if she was that good at holding it or what but she didn't have any 'accidents' in the toilet ever.  So I continued sitting her and letting her run around in underwear with no diaper, cleaning up lots of wet spots on the floor.  Then one day she 'went' 3 times!  The next day was 4.  She has very few accidents, doesn't wear diapers ever... even to bed!  She hasn't had a bedtime accident since I took the diapers off! 

I mentioned the other day... Eva is the most difficult EASY potty trained child out there!  One solid year with zero success and then potty trained in about two days!

Waiting for answers...

...or at least some insight.

Eva was examined by an occupational therapist last week.  She performed well.  That's good right?  I describe it like this:  Eva is an over-comer.... She figures out how to perform a task even if it isn't comfortable.  She performs well.  The point of therapy is to build skills she doesn't have.  While she continues to benefit from adjusting some of the skills she has acquired, she isn't actually lacking.  She looks good on paper. 


Now come and spend a day with her and watch her.  She will surprise you with her vocabulary, color recognition, and ability to keep right alongside her older sister.  You will also be surprised to see her zone out and rock... for extended periods.  You will be surprised to see her fall right off a little tikes chair, come to me crying and then refuse to let me care for her.  How do you fix that? 


We're still waiting on some answers.